Often times when people have been victimized as children and their brain grows and develops around that fact, they have a hard time rising up out of that mindset when they become an adult.
The adult victim that I want to discuss today is the victim of “I Don’t Have Time For Me.” This person has many responsibilities and puts more on his/her table so that they can be loved, accepted, seen, or appreciated.
They cry and complain that they don’t have time for themselves because everyone is depending on them and they are a victim because the pressures of that makes them sad, drained and depleted. Because this is typically a woman’s struggle I’ll go in that direction.
She doesn’t have time for her hair to get done, to dress nicely for her husband (and herself), she doesn’t have time for the gym, girl time, me time, or anything else. She complains that she doesn’t even have time to read a book. She does everything…ALWAYS. Even when people try to step in and help, she says “no” because the burden seems normal and being a victim is all she knows, and sometimes it’s all she wants to know. Complaining to others may cause them to become sympathetic and she enjoys that. No one ever died because the laundry or the dishes had to wait while you did something for yourself.
Now I’m not saying that the duties of being a wife, mother, employee, ministry leader, and so on isn’t a busy and sometimes exhausting lifestyle, but what I am saying is that if you sigh up for things, it’s YOU who signed up for things. Sometimes God gives us things we don’t sign up for, but none of that makes us victims because He doesn’t give us more than we can bear. So don’t put on yourself more than you can bear and then cry and complain without ever ceasing. That isn’t healthy.
When I signed up for everything and everyone in the past I was so miserable. I took care of everyone except the person I was most responsible for…ME. Never again. You can break this unhealthy pattern if you are willing! But you must 1st see it as an issue and then be willing!
Here is a great resource to check out on this topic:
Have you ever felt like you never have time for what you love, want, or desire?
1) He became my personal (1 on 1) fitness trainer
2) He gave me a sterling silver engraved BUTTERFLY bookmark (that was very thoughtful. I LOVE BOOKS)
3) He washed clothes 85% of the time this year (I had a lot of school work~shut up)
4) He wrote me love notes on paper and on the bathroom mirror with toothpaste! (this made me smile really hard)
5) He drove me to and from school even when he didn’t feel like it
6) He celebrated each of my victories in a big way!
7) He gave me cards, flowers, and other gifts for no special reason at times
8. He introduced me to my favorite Pre-Work Out Drinks! (boy oh boy!)
9) He supported me in all of my goals, spiritually, physically, and financially.
10) He dated me (YES!)
11) He worked on bettering his self for me/us
12) He made sure I laughed often! (oh this was so important!)
There are times in our lives when God is leading us to walk away from certain people, jobs, churches, and relationships. The purpose and reasons don’t always have to be due to negativity, that’s a very important thing to remember. Another important thing to remember is that everyone may not agree or be pleased with you moving forward and that’s ok. You may not even fully understand it at that point but when God has been leading you for a while, you come to appreciate all that He allows and whatever He doesn’t. Somethings you’ll see later on in life and smile, sometimes you’ll see it in the moment, and sometimes never.
The reason for this post today is to encourage anyone who may be struggling in a relationship as to what they should do and what direction they should go in as this new year approaches. I can remember being so confused and so afraid about making the wrong decisions based on staying and going. I was controlled by a fear of being alone; a fear that haunted me from the time I was 8 months old. Two things I needed to believe so that I could get to a place of peace and joy were:
1) With God in my life I AM NEVER ALONE.
2) The people He intends to stay & bless my life WILL (because they will be led by Him).
So ask Him into you life and heart 1st if you truly have not and then ask Him to show you in a way you will understand if you should stay or go…HE WILL SHOW YOU, so pay attention after you ask. He may use a stranger, a book, a T.V. show, a Facebook post (yes), and article, or you may hear a still small voice in your head that says something like “You know what you should do”. And even with all of this, He’ll even send another message just to confirm that you understood correctly! God is so awesome like that!
So 2014 is right around the corner and I know you want peace of mind in the choices that you make, so won’t you ask Him, won’t you seek Him, won’t you TRUST Him? For He is the only 1 that will never leave you or forsake you and I put my life on that!
Isaiah 41:17 “The poor and needy search for water, but there is none; their tongues are parched with thirst. But I the LORD will answer them; I, the God of Israel, will not forsake them.
Isaiah 42:16 I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.
Questions. I often wonder why people ask questions and wait for answers and why they seek advice that they never intend on using or just never use.
There have been a lot of things in life that I’ve really really wanted so I actually know what it’s like to truly desire something with all of my mind, heart, body, soul, and spirit!
Many things were not in my control of obtaining (like having another baby) and many were (finding true love, losing weight, etc.)
So where am I going with all of this; well people are often asking me for advice and help (some even pay for it) and most never take the advice I give (or they give up too soon). This leads me to believe that whatever the thing was that they said they really really wanted, they really really didn’t want it bad enough. Some goals are hard, some dreams seem unreachable at times , but when you desire something so much that you feel empty without it or incomplete, you will love yourself enough to seek it/chase it/ set up for it/ and so on. Life is going to be hard regardless, you might as well live it hard while you are shooting for the stars!
You really want a job because you feel like you need it…you won’t settle until you have it.
You really want a winter coat because you feel like you need it, you’ll get it won’t you?
Is your heart telling you “We don’t need a man/woman’s love to be happy!” Or is that your brain saying that because your heart has been hurt?
Is your brain telling you “I’m husky/curvy and I love myself just the way that I am!” But what does your body say when it’s always sluggish, fatigued, and can’t fit into anything comfortably? What are you saying to yourself when the fact is you could be on your way to health problems and an early grave?
Here is the thing… I promise you I tried to be 100% joyful in my single and over weight state, but I could not ignore what I know to be true; IF I’M NOT MY BEST AND DOING MY BEST TO RECEIVE WHATS BEST, I’M SETTLING FOR LESS. That truth wasn’t OK with me and I think everyone has to be honest with themselves to get to the bottom of their truths as well.
Do you really want to live your best life and have your hearts desire? 1st things 1st, be real and honest with yourself and find out what your mind and your heart truly desires, (make sure they are on the same page.) Some things you’ll have to pray for and hope that God will give, but there are many things you can grab onto in this journey and not just sit back and hope that it happens.
And please don’t be afraid to seek some help... if you really really want “IT” nothing will stop you… and I mean NOTHING!
What do you desire most in your life right now that you don’t believe you can have?
Here is our story…from my eyes.
When my husband and I reconnected in 2001 he was everything that I dreamed of; beautiful, black, and BUFF!
I had just gone down a couple of dress sizes myself so I felt as though I was in his league. I was. Within a year’s time though I had gained every pound that I lost back and then some; I went from a size 12 to a size 18-20. He loved me STILL and never said a word… except “I DO” on July 13,2002.
Life, craziness, stress, and teenagers kept me on an emotional roller coaster. My weight was on and off for years yet my husband only seemed to gain a few pounds. We were always a part of a gym, but we were not seriously dedicated in the early years.
Last year when our nest was finally empty, I took my life back. I realized I never had to let it go, I learned how to eat, when, and what to eat, and my best friend/lover also became my personal trainer. He is currently studying with NASM (National Academy of Sports Medicine) to become a Certified Personal Trainer, so you can say I was his pet project. To date, I have lost a total of 70 pounds and we are loving our lives! I have so many cute little nicknames now and I smile harder at each new 1, (Jelly Bean was the latest). I gave him a new wife and he has given me his best version of himself. It means the world to me that he never asked or argued about my weight. I love him so much for that and for being my hero!
We hit the track together, our gym, we work out with our XBOX 360 Kinect, and we even have a gym set up in our basement that we call “The Dungeon.” We push each other and it feels wonderful. Sometimes when we are running side by side on the treadmill, after we are finished we find out that one didn’t stop because the other kept going!
We’ve always been passionate about helping other couples in their marriages, this thing that we’ve done together will give us so much more insight into them living out their best live together. We are fit, we are free, we are excited; WE ARE TEAM GORE!
The power to be happy today is in your hands; will you use it?
What is Motivation?
Some people know better then do better and others know better, yet, continue to self-sabotage. Which one will you be? ~ Lisa Gore
1) The example that I am going to discuss is one from my recent pass. This is because I have taken the necessary steps to succeed as it pertains to this goal. Because I not only desire to look great, but to feel great as well, I never gave up on the fight to become healthy and in shape. Looking, feeling, and being my best became very important to me when I began to possess a healthy self-worth.
What prevented me from succeeding in the past was my lack of determination and self-love when I had bouts of depression and post traumatic stress. I “loved” myself in the ways that I was “loved” by others in my past, which I had come to discover was not love at all, although it appeared to be.
Once I reprogrammed my mind by studying God’s design for me, getting help through counseling and therapy, reading self-help books, and other research, I had a new found understanding of what a healthy relationship with myself looked like. I placed myself in a healthy eating program and today I’m a new creature living out my goals and dreams (in a very beautiful body I might add).
2) All of one’s success is not only based on motivation. Other factors include activation, persistence or determination, and intensity.
Often time’s people procrastinate because they do not feel motivated. Whether they are looking to others, a song, or a spark in the sky to deliver that motivation I do not know. What I do know is that often times we must motivate ourselves. We must look at ourselves in the mirror and have a heartfelt conversation with ourselves about what we truly want in life. Not what others want from us, for us, out of us, or through us, but what our personal desires are.
Then we must love ourselves enough to not let anything stand in the way of getting that, especially ourselves. As long as what we desire for ourselves is good, legal, and morally right, nothing can or should stop us from being successful.
We can dream and hope all the day long, but nothing will happen for us if we do not take action. Sometimes we will have to act and be persistent when we feel down & out and motivation is far from us, in doing so we can gain some momentum and then begin to feel motivated. The key is being dedicated and determined to move in a positive direction regardless of how we feel and the moment. Often times I don’t feel like going to the gym and working out while my body suffers pain. But when it’s all over said and done, I never regret it and who I see staring back at me in the full-length mirror is all the motivation I need to keep going! Finally, when I turned up the intensity in this new positive behavior, victory became mine!