So I know this to be true because I lived in the fake zone for years. So maybe I was able to fool others but the most important people knew the truth (God, myself, my hubby and son) So I had to fix that! The things that I controlled I CHANGED and the things that I didn’t, I ACCEPTED.
There is a reoccurring theme going on of women not being able to let go of crumbs so that they may enjoy the entire cake; and it makes sense. The spiritual connection that is created when two people have sex is beyond our human comprehension. It’s so deep and powerful that God said we are not supposed to have it until we are married and also only to the one we are married. As humans we have done and continue to do things our own way and wonder why things are not working out for us. READ THE MANUAL & MOST IMPORTANTLY APPLY IT TO YOUR LIFE. Yeah, it only works if you work it.
So, when women go crazy and can’t seem to get past these men that use, abuse, betray, and belittle them, it’s because they let them into the most sacred parts of their soul and it’s not as simple as putting out the trash. One needs to be healed, restored, and they must transform their minds and ways of thinking; least it shall happen again.
When I began to see myself just a glimpse of the way God sees me, I started to want more for myself. Then I surrounded myself with people who knew my worth and value and they often reminded me and gave me constructive criticism (that’s important). Doing a large amount of self work helps you to choose BETTER MEN and refuse to settle. Sex causes a strong attachment that feels unbreakable because it was supposed to be that way. But God will help you to turn things around; HE is the only 1 that I know that can fix a broken mess.
I want to share a short list of what to do for anyone that may be struggling with this.
10 Ways to Help Get Him Outta Ya Head & Bed
1) Read the book in the bible called Song of Solomon
This could help you to dream up for yourself a great man and understand how God intended love to be.
2) Instead of 100 dollar Bags and shoes, get yourself some Therapy, Counseling, or a Life Coach
The process is hard and having someone assist you and give you direction could mean the world!
3) Read some great books on dating
This can help you to renew your mind and reprogram you for the next time around if you allow it to.
4) If you have a hobby or a passion dive into it
And if you don’t you should find one. You have to fill your mind and time up least that lonely sting so hard.
5) Listen to messages of truth
There are a lot of great dating messages out there in videos and blogs. (There are a lot of bad ones to but…)
6) Seek out a faithful accountability partner
This person can be 100% honest with you and you them. (You can run the messages I was saying you should watch and read by them and they can let you know if you’re headed in the right direction)
7) Change your number
Listen I know that’s not an easy thing to do sometimes (especially if you’ve had they # for years) but you have to do what you have to do if the simple stuff like not answering the call isn’t working.
8) Don’t Open The Door or let him in
I don’t care if he is bleeding and you are a nurse, call 911! It’s important to the process that you refuse all of his advances to keep you dangling from his leash.
9) Get Rid of His Residue
This could help a lot if there are triggers all around. Scents, left behind belongings, memories with the colored sheets. Get it out of your house.
10) Replace his old space with God
I even mean sleep with your bible beside you to mentally remind yourself where your heart should be. Giving your heart, mind, body, and soul to the Lord will cause a great man to come and give you what you desire most… TRUE LOVE.
Does this list seem doable or unrealistic? Please let me know your thoughts and thanks for reading!
Have you ever been around someone and no matter what sunshine comes into the room or what brightness comes into their lives they can not see happiness or the positive things in life? They call these people “Kill Joys” but the truth is you can’t kill true joy, yet, it can be stolen. But when a Negative Nancy steals your joy it isn’t to brighten her own mood, it’s stolen to be stepped on with her misery.
Often times people will pour all of their time, effort, and energy into trying to help these people cheer up, be happy, and think more positively. But when a person is not aware that they are sick, they tend not to visit the doctor. You can tell them they need to go to the emergency room all you want, but until they feel the pain (like really feel the pain) they won’t budge! And even then sometimes the pain is so normal to them that it’s just something they choose to carry everyday. They put band aids on things that call for surgery and they go through life infecting those they come in contact with.
Pain is not a reason to flee a relationship, but it is a reason you flee an Unhealthy Relationship. How can you tell if you are in an unhealthy relationship? Well, if you are emotionally healthy you will know, but here are 5 signs:
1) When you see their name pop up, you’re irritated or questioning if you should even answer your phone
2) You lie to protect their feelings (this also goes for with holding the truth)
3) You lie to get out of things with them (favors/spending time together)
4) You feel obligated to them and their happiness
5) Most of the time when you leave each other you are worst off than before
Sometimes people change and sometimes they don’t. Some relationships are worth the hard effort and some are not. Each one is different and if you are working on yourself and you are a healthy minded individual, you will know which is which; and in hard cases you can seek advice. Here is my breife advice on the matter:
Only consider staying in a relationship with a “changing for the better” person.
Here are 5 signs a person is changing for the better:
1) They acknowledge they have issues
2) They apologize for their negative behavior and don’t repeat it
3) They catch themselves quicker in their mess
4) You start to feel different (better) when they are in your presence
5) They are actively or have sought out counsel or accountability
I hope this help. It’s a new year and a new day. It’s time to live life more abundantly as we all should! Helping others is great, but their are people (LIKE MYSELF)
that actually get paid to do so. Get healthy in every area of your life, this Relationship Stuff is KEY!
Have you ever been in a relationship with a person and felt like they were draining the life out of you? I’d love to hear about it!
For BLOG in a video format watch below
When I was eight months old my mother passed away. She suffered an epileptic seizure in her sleep. My father found her and you can say I lost them both that day. He never recovered and battled with drugs and alcohol for his entire life until he too passed away in his sleep in January 2008.
My grandmother took care of me the best she could, yet, I was a very depressed child. There were only a few things that could comfort me, food was one of them. It was easy to silently suffer then because although I was an emotional eater, I was not overweight. My grandmother gave me anything that I wanted because she could somehow see pain in my eyes and what I wanted most was food.
When I reached my teens, most of my peers would spend their allowances on clothing and shoes; I’d spend mine on junk food and beer and as a result was nicknamed greedy. By the time I turned 18 other habits began to form. I became addicted to illegal drugs (adding to my food and alcohol addictions).
When I turned 20, I had a reason to fight for my life and live it the best that I could. I had a newborn son who I wanted to raise in a healthy environment. I gave up the drugs and alcohol but I clung to my food addiction. Where there used to be drugs there was then food, where there used to be alcohol, there was then food. I had gained over 50 pounds while I was pregnant and that is where the overweight roller coaster ride began.
Up and down for from sizes 10 through 20 was how I lived in my twenties. I had only stayed a size 10 for short periods of time though because after each loss, another tragedy would occur and depression would lead me back to emotional eating. I’d always go back to my comfort source, food and more food.
My 30’s came and I decided to get drastic. I tried the Atkins diet, the bacon and grapefruit diet, the only eating fruits and vegetables diet, only eating when you felt hungry plan, the 10 day fast plan, and I even went as far as not eating any food at all for 40 days and 40 nights (I did this twice in two years). It was approved by my then family doctor and he just instructed me to drink 100% juice along with my water. I lost weight over time, but it was a horrible way to do it and it did not last.
When my depression worsened, my therapist suggested medication. Suicidal thoughts, insomnia, and emotional pain became the norm and I had to do something. Most of my issues came because I was unhappy with myself and not living to my full potential. Being overweight caused me to lack confidence and self-worth and I knew it was the very thing holding me back in life.
I stopped taking my medication, lost a little weight, but when the next curve ball hit, the pounds came rushing back. There were always other ways to cope, but food was my most desired mechanism.
Last spring my husband and I visited our current family doctor and he made it very clear to me that IF I was unable to lose weight on my own that his best advice was for me to start taking my antidepressants again. I had to do something; I did not want to go this route at all.
While my husband and I were on vacation last summer in August I decided to continue reading the book he bought me for Valentine’s Day; “I Got This” By Jennifer Hudson. She has been my inspiration ever since she did her first Weight Watchers commercial. Every word that she spoke I received it as if she was directly talking to me. The first time I began reading her story it tapped into my heart so deep where the emotional pains lied that I had to put it down. It was calling me higher, but I was afraid. By August 2012 I was ready!
For our entire trip I read that book and on the last day right before we left the hotel, I read the last sentence and closed the book in tears. She was right there with the through the entire book but now she had to go, yet she left me with the charge and responsibility to take care of myself and live my best life. On September 12, 2012 I joined Weight Watchers and I haven’t looked back since. I have currently lost 63 pounds and I am only a few weeks away from becoming a lifetime member. I reached my goal in less than 1 year!
Weight Watchers Points Plus program is all I talk about and many people have taken my advice to join the program. I read “I Got This” to get started and I re-read it to stay focused. I loaned it to several others for inspiration as well. There is some kind of motivational tool and inspiration out there for everyone, this just so happened to be mine and it came at a perfect time! I hope that I can now be a source of inspiration to others, that’s my new goal! I’m loving life and I love that I’m able to fully engage in what causes my heart to come alive…helping others to do the same. People who take this program seriously are making and seeing changes for one reason alone; “Because It Works!”
The power to be happy today is in your hands; will you use it?
What is Motivation?
Some people know better then do better and others know better, yet, continue to self-sabotage. Which one will you be? ~ Lisa Gore
1) The example that I am going to discuss is one from my recent pass. This is because I have taken the necessary steps to succeed as it pertains to this goal. Because I not only desire to look great, but to feel great as well, I never gave up on the fight to become healthy and in shape. Looking, feeling, and being my best became very important to me when I began to possess a healthy self-worth.
What prevented me from succeeding in the past was my lack of determination and self-love when I had bouts of depression and post traumatic stress. I “loved” myself in the ways that I was “loved” by others in my past, which I had come to discover was not love at all, although it appeared to be.
Once I reprogrammed my mind by studying God’s design for me, getting help through counseling and therapy, reading self-help books, and other research, I had a new found understanding of what a healthy relationship with myself looked like. I placed myself in a healthy eating program and today I’m a new creature living out my goals and dreams (in a very beautiful body I might add).
2) All of one’s success is not only based on motivation. Other factors include activation, persistence or determination, and intensity.
Often time’s people procrastinate because they do not feel motivated. Whether they are looking to others, a song, or a spark in the sky to deliver that motivation I do not know. What I do know is that often times we must motivate ourselves. We must look at ourselves in the mirror and have a heartfelt conversation with ourselves about what we truly want in life. Not what others want from us, for us, out of us, or through us, but what our personal desires are.
Then we must love ourselves enough to not let anything stand in the way of getting that, especially ourselves. As long as what we desire for ourselves is good, legal, and morally right, nothing can or should stop us from being successful.
We can dream and hope all the day long, but nothing will happen for us if we do not take action. Sometimes we will have to act and be persistent when we feel down & out and motivation is far from us, in doing so we can gain some momentum and then begin to feel motivated. The key is being dedicated and determined to move in a positive direction regardless of how we feel and the moment. Often times I don’t feel like going to the gym and working out while my body suffers pain. But when it’s all over said and done, I never regret it and who I see staring back at me in the full-length mirror is all the motivation I need to keep going! Finally, when I turned up the intensity in this new positive behavior, victory became mine!
Hello, my name is Shalena D.I.V.A., The Purpose Driven Diva and I am a guest blogger today on therelationshipstuff.com because I gotta get some things off my chest. Why am I abstaining from sex? IT’s a matter of yes and no. When I think about the times when I did have sex, I always had an empty feeling afterwards. I can’t quite explain it, but I did. Even after some of the best sex I ever had. Do I want to continue to feel that way after having sex…NO! Do I want to be with a man who doesn’t mind sleeping with me, but won’t commit to me in marriage? NO! Do I want to feel overly emotional and territorial over a man who doesn’t belong to me…NO! Do I want to be in a relationship where he only calls when he’s interested in having sex…NO! Do I want to run the risk of getting pregnant–HECK NO!
Since I have abstained, what have I started saying yes to? Do I think I’m worth the wait, OH YES! Does abstaining make me feel more attractive and beautiful, surprisingly YES! Does abstaining give me more confidence, SURPRISINGLY YES! Does abstaining from sex cause me to feel sexier, OMG…YES! HOW IS THAT? This is the sexiest I ever felt.
Now this is interesting. Does abstaining from sex help me to stay focused and achieve more goals, YES! Does abstaining help me with self-control, YES! Desiring to be with a man is NORMAL, but it doesn’t mean that I have to sleep with a guy because I find him attractive. I am learning this as I go along. No one ever taught me about this growing up. meaning people only said don’t have sex, yet they never gave me anything to say yes to. Ultimately, does abstaining make me feel like I’m pleasing God, YES! I will continue to flesh this out because I never realized that choosing to abstain opened up a world of possibilities in my life.. DEEP.
Please share any Thoughts!
Shalena D.I.V.A. is a ANTI-BULLYING EXPERT, CERTIFIED LIFE COACH, AUTHOR, AND SPEAKER. You can find out more about her at shalenadiva.com or by liking her Facebook page.
If you get into a bed and sleep for 3 months straight does that mean you are in a coma? If you get into a relationship and get beat for 3 months straight does that mean you are in a coma?
I’m sorry. I love you. This won’t happen again. The lies keep coming and the beatings never end. They say it’s the last time; you have to know it’s not true. He just wants you to stay, and that’s just what you do. Why must we be so weak, it should never reach this length? Why can’t we be a little strong, just enough to find strength? You don’t like to be abused, the beatings you hate. You keep saying one day you’ll leave, but one day may be too late. You won’t just be leaving him, but this whole entire world. All because he couldn’t stop beating you girl! Are you afraid to leave and fear what he may do? You feel so dead inside, he’s already killing you. Yes, you love this man but you must think of your health. How can you truly love him when you’re not loving yourself? You believe you deserve better, yet you continue to stay, hoping and praying that he will change one day. With GOD, all things are possible, a man can change. But if you never let him go, he’s bound to be the same. Leaving is hard; I know this is not an easy task. But you will rejoice when you are freed, and the bad days have passed.
I understand abuse all too well. I know the pain it causes and the scars it leaves behind. God gave man a woman to love and cherish and she was to help him have a successful life. She was never ever meant to be his play toy or his punching bag. I am an advocate for women teaching others how to love them if they don’t know how and sometimes that means walking away for some time or permanently.
Here are some ways to break free if you are being abused by your lover or husband. (These are not in any set order.)
1) Tell, tell, tell!
When you expose what is going on, that means someone can help and that your abuser is found out. They will have to face those willing to step up and sometimes that is scary enough for them to stop and get help.
2) Call an abuse hotline.
They will be able to give you a step by step process so that you won’t feel confused or alone.
3) If you are being beaten to a bloody pulp you need to dial the police 1st and foremost.
Loving yourself enough to protect yourself is your #1 priority.
4) Get out of the house and stay with a trusted person.
If you are in serious danger, you may need to go to a Domestic Violence Center so that the abuser cannot find you. If you go to your relative’s house they may come there first.
5) File a restraining order.
This is for your protection. Sometimes just knowing that they can go to jail will keep your abuser away from you.
6) Seek out some counseling.
Abuse often takes a tole on you mentally more so than physically. It’s important to see someone sometimes even if you think that you are OK so that the healing process can be complete.
7) Find books in the library or purchase them and read stories about how women survived being abused.
This will help you to not feel alone and to have hope.
8) Don’t believe that because you are a Christian that you are not supposed to leave.
This is very important. Some people have been telling others that they are never to leave their mate no matter what and that simple isn’t true. Our first priority as a human being is to love ourselves. We can’t even begin to love God or anyone else for that matter if we don’t start with the basics. A separation for your safety is not a divorce so please don’t let anyone convince you of such.
9) Pray but also take action.
Do not sit still and wait for things to change. Pray and make things change by taking serious action.
10) Do not return to the relationship until there is a proven change.
Sometimes this takes time, and lots of it. Sometimes a person never changes and you have to accept that as well. But never go back to the same situation and allow your abuser to continue on with unacceptable behavior. That just isn’t love on either part.
I hope this list has helped someone!
Do you have any suggestions that I may have missed? Please feel free to share or comments on how you survived an abusive situation yourself.