So I know this to be true because I lived in the fake zone for years. So maybe I was able to fool others but the most important people knew the truth (God, myself, my hubby and son) So I had to fix that! The things that I controlled I CHANGED and the things that I didn’t, I ACCEPTED.
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When I was eight months old my mother passed away. She suffered an epileptic seizure in her sleep. My father found her and you can say I lost them both that day. He never recovered and battled with drugs and alcohol for his entire life until he too passed away in his sleep in January 2008.
My grandmother took care of me the best she could, yet, I was a very depressed child. There were only a few things that could comfort me, food was one of them. It was easy to silently suffer then because although I was an emotional eater, I was not overweight. My grandmother gave me anything that I wanted because she could somehow see pain in my eyes and what I wanted most was food.
When I reached my teens, most of my peers would spend their allowances on clothing and shoes; I’d spend mine on junk food and beer and as a result was nicknamed greedy. By the time I turned 18 other habits began to form. I became addicted to illegal drugs (adding to my food and alcohol addictions).
When I turned 20, I had a reason to fight for my life and live it the best that I could. I had a newborn son who I wanted to raise in a healthy environment. I gave up the drugs and alcohol but I clung to my food addiction. Where there used to be drugs there was then food, where there used to be alcohol, there was then food. I had gained over 50 pounds while I was pregnant and that is where the overweight roller coaster ride began.
Up and down for from sizes 10 through 20 was how I lived in my twenties. I had only stayed a size 10 for short periods of time though because after each loss, another tragedy would occur and depression would lead me back to emotional eating. I’d always go back to my comfort source, food and more food.
My 30’s came and I decided to get drastic. I tried the Atkins diet, the bacon and grapefruit diet, the only eating fruits and vegetables diet, only eating when you felt hungry plan, the 10 day fast plan, and I even went as far as not eating any food at all for 40 days and 40 nights (I did this twice in two years). It was approved by my then family doctor and he just instructed me to drink 100% juice along with my water. I lost weight over time, but it was a horrible way to do it and it did not last.
When my depression worsened, my therapist suggested medication. Suicidal thoughts, insomnia, and emotional pain became the norm and I had to do something. Most of my issues came because I was unhappy with myself and not living to my full potential. Being overweight caused me to lack confidence and self-worth and I knew it was the very thing holding me back in life.
I stopped taking my medication, lost a little weight, but when the next curve ball hit, the pounds came rushing back. There were always other ways to cope, but food was my most desired mechanism.
Last spring my husband and I visited our current family doctor and he made it very clear to me that IF I was unable to lose weight on my own that his best advice was for me to start taking my antidepressants again. I had to do something; I did not want to go this route at all.
While my husband and I were on vacation last summer in August I decided to continue reading the book he bought me for Valentine’s Day; “I Got This” By Jennifer Hudson. She has been my inspiration ever since she did her first Weight Watchers commercial. Every word that she spoke I received it as if she was directly talking to me. The first time I began reading her story it tapped into my heart so deep where the emotional pains lied that I had to put it down. It was calling me higher, but I was afraid. By August 2012 I was ready!
For our entire trip I read that book and on the last day right before we left the hotel, I read the last sentence and closed the book in tears. She was right there with the through the entire book but now she had to go, yet she left me with the charge and responsibility to take care of myself and live my best life. On September 12, 2012 I joined Weight Watchers and I haven’t looked back since. I have currently lost 63 pounds and I am only a few weeks away from becoming a lifetime member. I reached my goal in less than 1 year!
Weight Watchers Points Plus program is all I talk about and many people have taken my advice to join the program. I read “I Got This” to get started and I re-read it to stay focused. I loaned it to several others for inspiration as well. There is some kind of motivational tool and inspiration out there for everyone, this just so happened to be mine and it came at a perfect time! I hope that I can now be a source of inspiration to others, that’s my new goal! I’m loving life and I love that I’m able to fully engage in what causes my heart to come alive…helping others to do the same. People who take this program seriously are making and seeing changes for one reason alone; “Because It Works!”
What is Motivation?
Some people know better then do better and others know better, yet, continue to self-sabotage. Which one will you be? ~ Lisa Gore
1) The example that I am going to discuss is one from my recent pass. This is because I have taken the necessary steps to succeed as it pertains to this goal. Because I not only desire to look great, but to feel great as well, I never gave up on the fight to become healthy and in shape. Looking, feeling, and being my best became very important to me when I began to possess a healthy self-worth.
What prevented me from succeeding in the past was my lack of determination and self-love when I had bouts of depression and post traumatic stress. I “loved” myself in the ways that I was “loved” by others in my past, which I had come to discover was not love at all, although it appeared to be.
Once I reprogrammed my mind by studying God’s design for me, getting help through counseling and therapy, reading self-help books, and other research, I had a new found understanding of what a healthy relationship with myself looked like. I placed myself in a healthy eating program and today I’m a new creature living out my goals and dreams (in a very beautiful body I might add).
2) All of one’s success is not only based on motivation. Other factors include activation, persistence or determination, and intensity.
Often time’s people procrastinate because they do not feel motivated. Whether they are looking to others, a song, or a spark in the sky to deliver that motivation I do not know. What I do know is that often times we must motivate ourselves. We must look at ourselves in the mirror and have a heartfelt conversation with ourselves about what we truly want in life. Not what others want from us, for us, out of us, or through us, but what our personal desires are.
Then we must love ourselves enough to not let anything stand in the way of getting that, especially ourselves. As long as what we desire for ourselves is good, legal, and morally right, nothing can or should stop us from being successful.
We can dream and hope all the day long, but nothing will happen for us if we do not take action. Sometimes we will have to act and be persistent when we feel down & out and motivation is far from us, in doing so we can gain some momentum and then begin to feel motivated. The key is being dedicated and determined to move in a positive direction regardless of how we feel and the moment. Often times I don’t feel like going to the gym and working out while my body suffers pain. But when it’s all over said and done, I never regret it and who I see staring back at me in the full-length mirror is all the motivation I need to keep going! Finally, when I turned up the intensity in this new positive behavior, victory became mine!
If you get into a bed and sleep for 3 months straight does that mean you are in a coma? If you get into a relationship and get beat for 3 months straight does that mean you are in a coma?
I’m sorry. I love you. This won’t happen again. The lies keep coming and the beatings never end. They say it’s the last time; you have to know it’s not true. He just wants you to stay, and that’s just what you do. Why must we be so weak, it should never reach this length? Why can’t we be a little strong, just enough to find strength? You don’t like to be abused, the beatings you hate. You keep saying one day you’ll leave, but one day may be too late. You won’t just be leaving him, but this whole entire world. All because he couldn’t stop beating you girl! Are you afraid to leave and fear what he may do? You feel so dead inside, he’s already killing you. Yes, you love this man but you must think of your health. How can you truly love him when you’re not loving yourself? You believe you deserve better, yet you continue to stay, hoping and praying that he will change one day. With GOD, all things are possible, a man can change. But if you never let him go, he’s bound to be the same. Leaving is hard; I know this is not an easy task. But you will rejoice when you are freed, and the bad days have passed.
I understand abuse all too well. I know the pain it causes and the scars it leaves behind. God gave man a woman to love and cherish and she was to help him have a successful life. She was never ever meant to be his play toy or his punching bag. I am an advocate for women teaching others how to love them if they don’t know how and sometimes that means walking away for some time or permanently.
Here are some ways to break free if you are being abused by your lover or husband. (These are not in any set order.)
1) Tell, tell, tell!
When you expose what is going on, that means someone can help and that your abuser is found out. They will have to face those willing to step up and sometimes that is scary enough for them to stop and get help.
2) Call an abuse hotline.
They will be able to give you a step by step process so that you won’t feel confused or alone.
3) If you are being beaten to a bloody pulp you need to dial the police 1st and foremost.
Loving yourself enough to protect yourself is your #1 priority.
4) Get out of the house and stay with a trusted person.
If you are in serious danger, you may need to go to a Domestic Violence Center so that the abuser cannot find you. If you go to your relative’s house they may come there first.
5) File a restraining order.
This is for your protection. Sometimes just knowing that they can go to jail will keep your abuser away from you.
6) Seek out some counseling.
Abuse often takes a tole on you mentally more so than physically. It’s important to see someone sometimes even if you think that you are OK so that the healing process can be complete.
7) Find books in the library or purchase them and read stories about how women survived being abused.
This will help you to not feel alone and to have hope.
8) Don’t believe that because you are a Christian that you are not supposed to leave.
This is very important. Some people have been telling others that they are never to leave their mate no matter what and that simple isn’t true. Our first priority as a human being is to love ourselves. We can’t even begin to love God or anyone else for that matter if we don’t start with the basics. A separation for your safety is not a divorce so please don’t let anyone convince you of such.
9) Pray but also take action.
Do not sit still and wait for things to change. Pray and make things change by taking serious action.
10) Do not return to the relationship until there is a proven change.
Sometimes this takes time, and lots of it. Sometimes a person never changes and you have to accept that as well. But never go back to the same situation and allow your abuser to continue on with unacceptable behavior. That just isn’t love on either part.
I hope this list has helped someone!
Do you have any suggestions that I may have missed? Please feel free to share or comments on how you survived an abusive situation yourself.
Over dinner tonight I was telling my husband how I use to dumb down my creativeness, my personality, and my special unique talents/gifts if friends or people in general seemed to look at my funny. I wanted relationships to work so bad that I was willing to put aside all who and what I was so that I didn’t make anyone feel uncomfortable. See, you know there were many times when people were “offended”. If I knew too many answers in class I was disliked and looked at like a teachers pet. If I shined too much when all the girls were hanging out with guys, I was doing too much and trying too hard. If I walked into a room and I was dressed as best as I could and made people laugh with my wit, I was looked at like “Who the heck does she thing she is?” There are so many cases where people would dislike the real me and so the real me could not come out at all times because the real me “NEEDED” people to love and accept me. Wow…even as I type this I cry inside for the old me. The thought of sadness is the very reason I’m writing this right now. If you have ever thought or felt the need to do this or be this way PLEASE STOP/Don’t! You are who you are. You are supposed to be unique and you are supposed to shine. If your luminous rays are too bright for those around you, well… THEY CAN LEAVE THE ROOM!
Be YOURSELF, because no one else can. Be you, because that’s all you know how to do, and don’t you ever forget to fly!
Those days are over where I worked extremely hard to gain the acceptance of people. There was a time (and still are) when all I had to do was walk into the room and be myself and I was immediately hated. Whether it was my loud personality, my decorative colorful attire, or the beauty that God has blessed me to carry wherever I go, I was simply hated. I’d walk into the room and automatically instead of gaining friends, i’d receive looks and taunts as if to say “who does she think she is?”
Sometimes people assume because you’re physically attractive that you’re also popular. I’ve found that I am stereotyped because of my appearance. It was almost easier to be accepted with low self-esteem then it is to be accepted when you have confidence. But that did not mean I was going to stop seeking to be confident because that is what was best for me. So as I continue to live my life in abundance, my circle becomes smaller and smaller and probably to most it’s invisible. But guess what, I’m very comfortable with that. The only people that I desire in my circle are the people willing to love and embrace the true me, offer constructive criticism when needed, and add value to my life. Not many people are willing to do that, so not many people are invited in my circle.
When I made the decision to stop living for the approval of others, I began to focus on pleasing my God, myself, my husband, and my child. In this I’ve found joy and true fulfillment. I have friends, but not too many; that is the way that I desire it. Because when I love, I go all in, and I cannot go all in for a large amount of people, not anymore. What I do have to offer is my books, my artistry, my coaching, my blogs, my writings, my speaking, my rapping, and my poetry. That is what I have to offer to the masses.
I want to encourage anyone that is struggling with people pleasing and putting everyone else’s needs before their own to stop, listen to your heart, know what your priorities and responsibilities are, do the best that you can, and forget the rest. Because people will hate you even when you are the most loving, there is nothing you can do about that. My prayer is that it never controls who you are or who you become.
Self-Love isn’t evil, It’s God Given.Matthew 22:36-39 “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.