There is a reoccurring theme going on of women not being able to let go of crumbs so that they may enjoy the entire cake; and it makes sense. The spiritual connection that is created when two people have sex is beyond our human comprehension. It’s so deep and powerful that God said we are not supposed to have it until we are married and also only to the one we are married. As humans we have done and continue to do things our own way and wonder why things are not working out for us. READ THE MANUAL & MOST IMPORTANTLY APPLY IT TO YOUR LIFE. Yeah, it only works if you work it.
So, when women go crazy and can’t seem to get past these men that use, abuse, betray, and belittle them, it’s because they let them into the most sacred parts of their soul and it’s not as simple as putting out the trash. One needs to be healed, restored, and they must transform their minds and ways of thinking; least it shall happen again.
When I began to see myself just a glimpse of the way God sees me, I started to want more for myself. Then I surrounded myself with people who knew my worth and value and they often reminded me and gave me constructive criticism (that’s important). Doing a large amount of self work helps you to choose BETTER MEN and refuse to settle. Sex causes a strong attachment that feels unbreakable because it was supposed to be that way. But God will help you to turn things around; HE is the only 1 that I know that can fix a broken mess.
I want to share a short list of what to do for anyone that may be struggling with this.
10 Ways to Help Get Him Outta Ya Head & Bed
1) Read the book in the bible called Song of Solomon
This could help you to dream up for yourself a great man and understand how God intended love to be.
2) Instead of 100 dollar Bags and shoes, get yourself some Therapy, Counseling, or a Life Coach
The process is hard and having someone assist you and give you direction could mean the world!
3) Read some great books on dating
This can help you to renew your mind and reprogram you for the next time around if you allow it to.
4) If you have a hobby or a passion dive into it
And if you don’t you should find one. You have to fill your mind and time up least that lonely sting so hard.
5) Listen to messages of truth
There are a lot of great dating messages out there in videos and blogs. (There are a lot of bad ones to but…)
6) Seek out a faithful accountability partner
This person can be 100% honest with you and you them. (You can run the messages I was saying you should watch and read by them and they can let you know if you’re headed in the right direction)
7) Change your number
Listen I know that’s not an easy thing to do sometimes (especially if you’ve had they # for years) but you have to do what you have to do if the simple stuff like not answering the call isn’t working.
8) Don’t Open The Door or let him in
I don’t care if he is bleeding and you are a nurse, call 911! It’s important to the process that you refuse all of his advances to keep you dangling from his leash.
9) Get Rid of His Residue
This could help a lot if there are triggers all around. Scents, left behind belongings, memories with the colored sheets. Get it out of your house.
10) Replace his old space with God
I even mean sleep with your bible beside you to mentally remind yourself where your heart should be. Giving your heart, mind, body, and soul to the Lord will cause a great man to come and give you what you desire most… TRUE LOVE.
Does this list seem doable or unrealistic? Please let me know your thoughts and thanks for reading!
The other day I posted this on our Facebook page, “#1 rule on how to get a great man : know how to pick 1.”
It may have seemed simple and obvious but the truth is most women want a great man in their hearts but have the faintest idea about how to go about it; and sadly they are not willing to humble themselves and ask.
I was listening to a woman coach a struggling family the other day and she said that “most women marry their father, who he was, is, or who they think he should have been.” That made so much sense to me. My father for the most part wasn’t present. He always came and left, as did all of the men/boys that I was going after. There were a bunch of other things that I can save for another topic, but the main point I’m making is that if your father was not present or not a great dad, then it’s not wise to end up seeking out that type of man for yourself, consciously or unconsciously.
Here are a few rules one should follow:
The first thing I had to do was FIND A GREAT MAN TO MODEL THE EXAMPLE BEFORE ME. You are very fortunate if that can be your dad, but if not you may have to look around a bit. A great man that is older, has a wife, is starting a family or has one. He works, takes care of his family, adores his wife, respects his mother, and is admired by men and women. I looked to my old Pastor. Some pastors are shady, I know, but not Pastor Jones. He kept it real and he truly had a heart for his people.
READ, READ, READ books that teach men how to love and treat their wives. This helps you to build boundaries and standards on what you should allow in your life. We may think we know how we want to be treated but when we accept too little our hearts feel it and yearns for true love. Knowing what we should be waiting for and how we should be treated as women is important and sometimes we have to teach ourselves. And we all learn by reading and watching. CLICK HERE TO VIEW A FEW BOOKS
If you are confident, secure, patient, and ready, you’re probably on your way to meeting that guy right now. But if you have found yourself in failed relationship after failed relationship with all the Mr. Wrongs, you should probably do some “Self Work”. Self work can consist of your reading books on how to become a desirable woman (FREE BOOK) or getting a mentor or life coach. I mean let’s face it and be honest, you train and school yourself on all the other things you desire in life; education, career, dreams, and so on; why not become a winner at love? Even us married folk have mentors and accountability partners that help us through, that’s the wise thing to do. Working on my mind, my body, and my soul/spirit, was the best thing I could have done for myself back in 2000/2001, because when my man appeared he was so attracted to who I was.
Sometimes you can think you are doing all the right things until you get before someone and run it all down. Getting another persons perspective that is unbiased may be just what you need.
Do not rule someone out just because they don’t match your ideal or fantasy 100%. Be open to men from other races and even a man coming fresh out of jail! Yes I said it. He may need some time to get his self established, but even he can be a GREAT MAN… trust me!
Words from a great man : Delmar Gore
Question: What should a woman do if she is trying to attract a great man?
“#1 Have a true relationship with God. Be a god-fearing woman of integrity.
#2 Be herself and don’t hide. Don’t order salad if you really want steak.
#3 Have a vision, goals, and dreams and be pressuring them.
#4 Have a positive encouraging attitude and not be one that downs a man and only looks at his flaws.”
What is Motivation?
Some people know better then do better and others know better, yet, continue to self-sabotage. Which one will you be? ~ Lisa Gore
1) The example that I am going to discuss is one from my recent pass. This is because I have taken the necessary steps to succeed as it pertains to this goal. Because I not only desire to look great, but to feel great as well, I never gave up on the fight to become healthy and in shape. Looking, feeling, and being my best became very important to me when I began to possess a healthy self-worth.
What prevented me from succeeding in the past was my lack of determination and self-love when I had bouts of depression and post traumatic stress. I “loved” myself in the ways that I was “loved” by others in my past, which I had come to discover was not love at all, although it appeared to be.
Once I reprogrammed my mind by studying God’s design for me, getting help through counseling and therapy, reading self-help books, and other research, I had a new found understanding of what a healthy relationship with myself looked like. I placed myself in a healthy eating program and today I’m a new creature living out my goals and dreams (in a very beautiful body I might add).
2) All of one’s success is not only based on motivation. Other factors include activation, persistence or determination, and intensity.
Often time’s people procrastinate because they do not feel motivated. Whether they are looking to others, a song, or a spark in the sky to deliver that motivation I do not know. What I do know is that often times we must motivate ourselves. We must look at ourselves in the mirror and have a heartfelt conversation with ourselves about what we truly want in life. Not what others want from us, for us, out of us, or through us, but what our personal desires are.
Then we must love ourselves enough to not let anything stand in the way of getting that, especially ourselves. As long as what we desire for ourselves is good, legal, and morally right, nothing can or should stop us from being successful.
We can dream and hope all the day long, but nothing will happen for us if we do not take action. Sometimes we will have to act and be persistent when we feel down & out and motivation is far from us, in doing so we can gain some momentum and then begin to feel motivated. The key is being dedicated and determined to move in a positive direction regardless of how we feel and the moment. Often times I don’t feel like going to the gym and working out while my body suffers pain. But when it’s all over said and done, I never regret it and who I see staring back at me in the full-length mirror is all the motivation I need to keep going! Finally, when I turned up the intensity in this new positive behavior, victory became mine!
Is this you?
You’re out having a great time over dinner laughing and joking, then you grab your phone and look at your Facebook page and everything go’s to crap.
You’re at home, you give your partner a kiss then you sit down at the computer desk and an argument starts to form.
You and your partner are having one of the worst arguments you’ve ever had and they scream that the relationship is over unless you delete your Facebook account.
I have heard many stories time and time again how Facebook is the cause of many people breaking up marriages, courtships, and committed relationships. How can Facebook be given so much power? People have been breaking up long before Facebook even was thought of. People have been cheated on, lied to, neglected, taken for granted, and disrespected long before the Internet even existed.
Now this is not to say that Facebook can’t be a problem in someone’s relationship, but to give it full credit for being the damaging piece is ridiculous. Because if a person is bent on cheating or being neglectful in the relationship, they will find another way besides Facebook.
So here you have someone that is always on Facebook and talking to the opposite sex, making friends with them and giving way too much time and attention to this social network. Their wife says “either delete your Facebook account or I’m gone.”
Deleting the Facebook account can be a step in the right direction, but it should not be the end all of the situation, because at the root of this person’s heart is where the problem lies.
Fix what’s in your heart, fix what’s in your mind, fix your way of thinking, fix your lack of boundaries, and these social networks, your place of business, going out to social events, should no longer be an issue.
So what are your thoughts? Do you think that Facebook has the power to break up marriages and committed relationships?
“What if I don’t like living with him?”
“What if they are extremely dirty?”
“What if they are totally bad with money?”
“What if he always leaves the toilet seat up?”
“What if they always leave the cereal box open?“
“What if she looks a hot mess going to bed and in the morning?”
“I just need to know What I’m getting myself into!”
I have heard it all. All of the different reasons why people have convinced themselves that it is better to live with someone before they marry them. Christian and non-Christian alike have come up with a whole plethora of reasons (excuses) as to why cohabitation is wise before you say “I do.”
When you bring God into the conversation everyone wants to look at you as if you are being unwise, unreal, irrational, and unrealistic. But wasn’t it God who created humans, households, and marriage? There are a lot of people who operate in businesses and relationships with out any understanding of how to make them successful. I was one of them. I believe I was the master of destruction when it came to relationships. I even managed to destroy my relationship with myself.
I have been on both sides and I must say doing things God’s way has always been beneficial 100%. I lived with two of my exes whom I never was married to and I can say that those relationships were a total disaster! I didn’t need to keep trying the same thing over and over to see that it wasn’t good. I needed to at least try the GOD’s way. I am a believer of “If you keep doing the same things, you’ll keep getting the same results.”
When I decided to give my life over to the Lord and to trust Him, I had to make certain decisions that went against everything I knew. You see, I wanted God to have total control and I wanted to follow His ways because mine had proven to be unsuccessful (in all areas).
There are many cases where people can say living together is working out fine, but there are also many people living mediocre lives, settling for less, not reaching for their dreams, living in dead in surroundings, working in unfulfilling jobs, and the list goes on. I reached a point in my life where I just wanted more. More joy, more peace, more happiness, more blessing, just more! That abundant life the Bible talks about is what I was after.
When you have witnessed many examples of people not living together before marriage making it, your views can begin to change. I had to start surrounding myself with the people who were not just saying it, but doing it and done it. Believing everything in the Bible didn’t come easy for me like it doesn’t for others, but I really had to give it a TRUE try before I fully knocked it. And when I did, God proved Himself right EVERY SINGLE TIME. Won’t you try Him?
I surveyed a few women on this topic and here are their answers :
A successful marriage isn’t one that is void of pain, trails, storms, temptations, or issues. A successful marriage is one that understands you will have those things yet, you love each other enough to work through those things and respect and honor your commitment to God by staying even when they love fades. See just because something fades at one point, that doesn’t mean it won’t come back to life. The luminous colors of your marriage can shine again when you work for it, the problem is people want things to just BE SUCCESSFUL without doing the hard work. That’s silly and unrealistic.
How hard do you work to get a great education, a great career, and raise great children? HARD. How hard do you work to KEEP your GREAT job? HARD. But when it comes to the most important relationship you’ll ever have on earth, people are just expecting it to work just because, and not working with the same intensity as the things I’ve just stated.
To have and maintain a successful marriage you must first believe it’s possible to obtain and then you have to put in your work. Sometimes putting in your work means going on a date with your spouse and other times it means going through counseling with your spouse. Sometimes work can be as simple as doing the dishes and other times it can be as hard as leaving a job because you feel like you may fall into destruction with the person you are having an emotional affair with.
No matter what, I have found all of the hard work pays off when people look back and say, “If I had to choose all over again knowing all that I know now, I’d still choose you.”
Are you willing to put in the work for love so that you can reap all of the priceless benefits of love?
At one point in my life I needed a lot of people around me most of the time when I felt uncomfortable or sad. When I was alone, in my own presence, it made me feel unhappy. I mean who likes hanging out with someone they don’t like? Once I began to appreciate, value, and truly love myself, being with me and only me wasn’t bad at all. I even learned how to make myself laugh, a lot.
There are people who will try to cause you to fill bad or guilty because you are not there for them. Maybe you were busy and you could not talk to them on the phone for hours, maybe they needed you for a favor and you were not available or are never available. Sometimes people can make their issues look like they are in fact someone else’s problem, you should know this isn’t so.
When I hated being alone with myself, I charged others with the responsibility of bringing the joy, fun, and laughter into my world. Even my husband was in charge of me having a good life. That is so unfair. If there is anyone in your life at this point that has given you the burden of responsibility to bring them joy and happiness, I want you to make it clear to them that it’s not your responsibility. Only God can give joy, the joy that we seek out anyway. I’m not saying that having a child and holding them near as you embrace their newborn smell isn’t a joyful thing, but even God is the giver of that child, He is the source of all joy.
Whether you have to make it clear that you are not in God’s position to cause someone’s life to be joyful by making a statement, writing them a letter, or actually removing yourself from the relationship for good or a period of time, it has to be done. This is not only best for you but this is how you show them love in a healthy way.
Have you ever been in a relationship with someone who depended on you for their happiness?