The Relationship Stuff gives advice for Christian women interested in online dating.
This video may seem like an “I Already Know That” type of Vlog, but the truth is I think some ladies need to step back and travel back to the basics.
If connecting with a great man is really that hard, maybe the lack of making a choice, making too many wrong choices, or just not knowing is causing you to wonder
where is your good man!? In this Vlog my dear husband Delmar will share his thoughts!
(Please comment if you are led)
The other day I posted this on our Facebook page, “#1 rule on how to get a great man : know how to pick 1.”
It may have seemed simple and obvious but the truth is most women want a great man in their hearts but have the faintest idea about how to go about it; and sadly they are not willing to humble themselves and ask.
I was listening to a woman coach a struggling family the other day and she said that “most women marry their father, who he was, is, or who they think he should have been.” That made so much sense to me. My father for the most part wasn’t present. He always came and left, as did all of the men/boys that I was going after. There were a bunch of other things that I can save for another topic, but the main point I’m making is that if your father was not present or not a great dad, then it’s not wise to end up seeking out that type of man for yourself, consciously or unconsciously.
Here are a few rules one should follow:
The first thing I had to do was FIND A GREAT MAN TO MODEL THE EXAMPLE BEFORE ME. You are very fortunate if that can be your dad, but if not you may have to look around a bit. A great man that is older, has a wife, is starting a family or has one. He works, takes care of his family, adores his wife, respects his mother, and is admired by men and women. I looked to my old Pastor. Some pastors are shady, I know, but not Pastor Jones. He kept it real and he truly had a heart for his people.
READ, READ, READ books that teach men how to love and treat their wives. This helps you to build boundaries and standards on what you should allow in your life. We may think we know how we want to be treated but when we accept too little our hearts feel it and yearns for true love. Knowing what we should be waiting for and how we should be treated as women is important and sometimes we have to teach ourselves. And we all learn by reading and watching. CLICK HERE TO VIEW A FEW BOOKS
If you are confident, secure, patient, and ready, you’re probably on your way to meeting that guy right now. But if you have found yourself in failed relationship after failed relationship with all the Mr. Wrongs, you should probably do some “Self Work”. Self work can consist of your reading books on how to become a desirable woman (FREE BOOK) or getting a mentor or life coach. I mean let’s face it and be honest, you train and school yourself on all the other things you desire in life; education, career, dreams, and so on; why not become a winner at love? Even us married folk have mentors and accountability partners that help us through, that’s the wise thing to do. Working on my mind, my body, and my soul/spirit, was the best thing I could have done for myself back in 2000/2001, because when my man appeared he was so attracted to who I was.
Sometimes you can think you are doing all the right things until you get before someone and run it all down. Getting another persons perspective that is unbiased may be just what you need.
Do not rule someone out just because they don’t match your ideal or fantasy 100%. Be open to men from other races and even a man coming fresh out of jail! Yes I said it. He may need some time to get his self established, but even he can be a GREAT MAN… trust me!
Words from a great man : Delmar Gore
Question: What should a woman do if she is trying to attract a great man?
“#1 Have a true relationship with God. Be a god-fearing woman of integrity.
#2 Be herself and don’t hide. Don’t order salad if you really want steak.
#3 Have a vision, goals, and dreams and be pressuring them.
#4 Have a positive encouraging attitude and not be one that downs a man and only looks at his flaws.”
So I was listening to a lesson from a Dr. and he was saying that the intensity that you have chasing your goals, dreams, and business, has to decrease a lot after marriage and if it doesn’t your marriage will fail. He also said that he didn’t date for years until he got his PHD, after he was given that advice that he would be better off pursuing that dream without the distractions. And that was what he though he needed to do and did it. He went on in his lesson and it was almost as if he was saying get everything that you want to accomplish that requires a lot of attention done and over with before you marry, because when you do marry, that stuff has got to slowwwwww downnnnn. Now, do I believe your marriage should come first, yes I do! But here is what else I believe about what he had to say.
Personally, I was not able to chase my dreams the way that I have since I’ve been married. The freedom and support has made all the difference. My husband actually pushed me to chase my dreams down. He has supported me mentally, emotional, and financially. I really believe when the speaker said that “the intensity will decrease and if it doesn’t your marriage will fail” isn’t necessarily true in everyone’s case, because every person and couple is different. So to each person and each marriage they have to see what works. Should our marriages come 1st, oh yes it should, and the bible says that your spouse should come before your children. Yet, you don’t love them less or give less intensity of to those relationships. It’s just a proper order. Lastly, my husband can testify that I have been able to help him with his vision and dreams to start his own business. WE BOTH have chased this thing down and he would not have had it any other way. When he needs to spend time building I understand that and when I didn’t it was because I wasn’t living out my own calling and pursuing my own dreams. There have been seasons when our marriage suffered from us being too busy with other things, but that’s because we are human. Due to our relationship with God, we always get back on track, staying together, and going hard for what we want together and individually.
So my point here as I close is that you must know yourself. For some you may need to wait, but make sure it’s GOD leading you to wait and not you own selfish flesh. Who are we to turn away a blessing that God sends our way to make our path run smoother? My hubby says he couldn’t have done it without me and I know he was sent to me by God to help me with all that I’ve accomplished.
Will your dreams suffer because of marriage? You decide.
Will your marriage suffer because of your dreams? You decide.
Who says you can’t have both?
1 Corinthians 13:4-7