MR. RELATIONSHIP STUFF shares 4 key reasons why it’s hard for most men to commit in this Q&A session.
Some may wonder why a loving parent would say things to their young child that tore them down and caused them to feel less than acceptable. Some may argue the point that loving parents don’t spew out harmful negativity because that’s not what love does. But what if that same parent says “I love you” to their child on occasions? What if that same parent gives approval and admiration as well? The child can then become confused. Sometimes they feel loved and when they don’t, they try their best to win their parents acceptance, approval, and love by performing works.
Sometimes they are met with more negative words and so they try harder and harder until they receive those words that heal and cause them to feel loved. Now what if the bad outweighs the good? The child will start to believe the bad because it’s coming from someone they believe loves them. They are too young to know themselves and are still growing, becoming, trying to figure out what they like, and don’t like. Who they are is defined by the adults in their lives that are supposed to love and care for them. (Until they can grow to be an adult and redefine themselves…hopefully.)Because they are the parents, the child assumes they should know.
Here is a list of things I was told about myself when I was a child by my guardians and other adults close to me.
10) You ain’t s_ _ t and you never will be.
It was very hard for anyone to convince me that I was anything but those things that I was told by my loved ones. Yet, something inside of me wanted to believe and I fought and I fought and I fought. Then I met God and jumped headfirst into a relationship with Him and he helped me to win the fight. He said I was in fact precious, wonderful, and a good thing! I believed Him. He created me so I figured He should know!
14 I will give thanks unto thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: Wonderful are thy works; And that my soul knoweth right well.
He who finds a wife finds what is good, gaining favor from the Lord.
Don’t allow people, circumstances, trials, or negativity to define you. Leave that to your Creator, He knows who you are, who you will become, and who you are meant to be. He knows everything about you down to the number of hairs on your head, before, during, and after you comb it.
29 Aren’t two sparrows sold for a small coin? But not one of them will fall to the ground without your Father knowing about it already. 30 Even the hairs of your head are all counted. 31 Don’t be afraid. You are worth more than many sparrows.
Building a healthy relationship with your Father in heaven and yourself is essential before you think about becoming one with another. Start there and be prepared.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Conversation was perfect, we talked for a while. The things that he said made my heart smile. I found out many things that grabbed my attention. No matter what I said, he was willing to listen. My feelings were out of control, yet I never told him so. I have never placed my eyes upon him so why have my feelings started to grow? Day 1 was so nice that I fell in love with his flow.
Walking, wondering, then waiting. If I knew his face I may have been patient. Oh no, is this you? It can’t be! I’ll just keep on going because he doesn’t know me. I made a call to pass time then I went to our meeting place once again. I see this gorgeous face, could this be my friend? Like Joedice I want to know your name. If you like what you see, I am available to claim. Once again conversation was flowing, I was feeling at ease. I hope you are impressed because I am most definitely pleased. Strong safe hug full of compassion. I’m looking forward to a friendship that is long-lasting. Day 2 went so well, I hated to see it passing.
Day 3 you’re so strange, I’m feeling lost and confused. There was not a bit of violence, yet I’m feeling abused. He will not talk to me or call me back. I really thought he liked me, I guess I’m too fat! Maybe it’s because I will not have sex. This is difficult to deal with, life is so complexed! Hey maybe he’s just not the one and I may have to wait real long. God’s will is so right, yet this pain feels so wrong. Move on young lady, don’t let this shatter your heart!
Stop looking for that man or you’ll fall all apart. Just look to the Lord and concentrate on His ways. For you know true love showed up in only 3 days!
The other day I witnessed a mother publicly out and embarrass her grown daughter. She was telling her about herself, her issues and like it was. She had all types of remarks that made the woman feel less than. She lashed out and went on and on and seemed to have no regard for the woman’s feelings at all.
I guess it didn’t matter anyway, after all, it was her daughter so she should be able to say whatever she wanted, when and how ever she wanted right?
I disagree but apparently many people don’t. They truly feel as though because they are the parent, they can treat their children any type of way just because they gave birth to or gave sperm to. The way people talk to their children, they would not even think of talking to other adults in the same way.
And that’s really sad! In the black culture we are so bent on our children turning out right that we believe (most of us have been taught this) beating them to death will guarantee they’ll have a healthy out come! You will even hear Adults say “I’m glad my momma beat me, it’s why I’m so successful today”. I’m not talking about you occasional chastisement folks, I’m talking about ABUSE. There is a difference. A lot of parents are beating their children because they are angry with the parents that don’t! Let me explain; the Caucasian lady you see in the super market is allowing her child to fall out, scream, holler, and hit her. She does nothing, you are so mad at her and you make a promise to yourself it will never be you and you won’t ever let your child behave in such a way. The more you see things like that, the stronger the rage becomes. Then, when your child even hints and some of that type behavior you GO OFF! Yes, GO OFF. How do I know, I did it, others have admitted doing it to me, and I’ve seen it happen. I’ve seen a mother snap on her 2-year-old child for spilling juice, I have seen a father beat his child silly because he was crying. Here is a bit of information for you, in some cases those children you witnessed act out in public probably did get reprimanded in their home later. A parent that cares about their child’s feelings and at the same time cares about their development is a parent that isn’t so focused on THEIR being embarrassed as they are correcting their child’s behavior.
Am I saying never spank your child, NO, that is not what I am saying. Am I suggesting that we let our children run our households and do whatever they feel like doing? No way! This is what I am saying; please stop treating your children (and other people’s children) as if they are not human beings with feelings. They do matter even though they are small and not so in tune with what life is all about. It’s not silly to respect a child; it shows them how to respect their selves. Don’t embarrass them just because you don’t care how they feel. Sometimes they will remember the attack and miss your message. Or the message won’t be affective at all because they feel so unloved.
Love, honor, and respect are for all people. Yours, mine, them, they, big, tall, small, ALL.
1) Purchase a journal so you both can write back and forth to each other.
2) Send them emails.
3) Randomly text for any reason.
4) Write love notes on the bathroom mirror.
5) Send them a card in the mail right back to your house or their job.
6) Send an e-card to their email.
7) Write them a steamy love letter and place it some where you know they will find it
8) Put a sweet post-it note in with their lunch
9) Make a C.D. with all your favorite love songs and let it play when they get in the car
10) MAKE LOVE TO THEM WITHOUT THEIR REQUEST! (THIS ONE SPEAKS VOLUMES)