Mature men are not afraid to pursue
with the possibilities of rejection.
They know and understand their
worth and that no matter the outcome,
they will not lose.
1) Your heart is deceitful and wicked! That saying “Oh he has a good heart” no, no, no, our hearts are deceiving! Here, I’ll show you:
“The heart is is hopelessly dark and deceitful, a puzzle that no one can figure out.” Jeremiah 17:9
2) You heart will have you trying to save relationships that have already died.
3) It doesn’t make sound choices and decisions for your life, that’s what your mind does.
4) Your heart doesn’t learn lessons and it’s very self seeking, (it doesn’t consider the rest of your body!). “The heart wants what the heart wants” but the bad part about that is what the heart wants can destroy your entire life as you know it.
5) Your heart will lead you in directions that your brain advises you not to go in causing way too much confusion and conflict. Don’t Follow, Lead!
When I first got married (almost 12 years ago) I had no clue what I was really in for. I thought I’d always be happy, I’d never be hurt again, and my real life fairly tale had come true. The problem with most fairy tales is they often leave out reality and real life. Make no mistake about it, my husband was far greater than a dream come true, but perfect he wasn’t/isn’t. Flaws and all I love him more than words can express, but when I was not expecting to be hurt by him, I was wrong. Unrealistic expectations will disappoint you every time.
There is a huge difference between being hurt by someone who could care less about you and someone who loves you to death. Most people don’t realize this and the divorce rates keep rising. I mean the mindset of a lot of people is “Hey, if it doesn’t work out we can just divorce.” And not working out can be something as simple as agreeing with how the children should be raised or something as petty as money issues. It’s like when we utter “For better or for worse” at the altar, we don’t mean a lick of what is coming out of our mouths…with all those crazy expectations!
I was convinced at a very young age that love looked like something. Love looked like being there always, all the time, and most importantly, being there financially. My father wasn’t doing any of these and my Grandmother made sure that she drilled into my heart/mind that “HE DOESN’T LOVE YOU.” This was the furthest thing from the truth, yet because her teachings were instilled and ingrained into me (even though I fought hard to believe otherwise) my knowledge of true love was wrong. Do you want to know the day that I realized/believed/knew how much my dad really loved me; the day that he died. My emotions are swelling so I must bring this to a close.
When someone truly loves you it doesn’t mean that they won’t ever hurt you because they are not perfect and that’s as simple as I can put it. You should expect to be hurt, disappointed, let down, and saddened. But you should also expect that person to receive help, change, grow, get better, do better, and hurt you less and less in those most painful areas. Sometimes, we are hurt and disappointed because of our own issues and hang-ups, and this is why it’s important for each person in a relationship to receive help, change, grow, get better, and do better. So the huge difference in being hurt by a lover and a person who really has no love for you is this; the person that really loves you will die fixing the issues because they don’t want to hurt you.
Questions: How bad does the pain hurt when you really love someone?
Often times when people have been victimized as children and their brain grows and develops around that fact, they have a hard time rising up out of that mindset when they become an adult.
The adult victim that I want to discuss today is the victim of “I Don’t Have Time For Me.” This person has many responsibilities and puts more on his/her table so that they can be loved, accepted, seen, or appreciated.
They cry and complain that they don’t have time for themselves because everyone is depending on them and they are a victim because the pressures of that makes them sad, drained and depleted. Because this is typically a woman’s struggle I’ll go in that direction.
She doesn’t have time for her hair to get done, to dress nicely for her husband (and herself), she doesn’t have time for the gym, girl time, me time, or anything else. She complains that she doesn’t even have time to read a book. She does everything…ALWAYS. Even when people try to step in and help, she says “no” because the burden seems normal and being a victim is all she knows, and sometimes it’s all she wants to know. Complaining to others may cause them to become sympathetic and she enjoys that. No one ever died because the laundry or the dishes had to wait while you did something for yourself.
Now I’m not saying that the duties of being a wife, mother, employee, ministry leader, and so on isn’t a busy and sometimes exhausting lifestyle, but what I am saying is that if you sigh up for things, it’s YOU who signed up for things. Sometimes God gives us things we don’t sign up for, but none of that makes us victims because He doesn’t give us more than we can bear. So don’t put on yourself more than you can bear and then cry and complain without ever ceasing. That isn’t healthy.
When I signed up for everything and everyone in the past I was so miserable. I took care of everyone except the person I was most responsible for…ME. Never again. You can break this unhealthy pattern if you are willing! But you must 1st see it as an issue and then be willing!
Here is a great resource to check out on this topic:
Have you ever felt like you never have time for what you love, want, or desire?
There are times in our lives when God is leading us to walk away from certain people, jobs, churches, and relationships. The purpose and reasons don’t always have to be due to negativity, that’s a very important thing to remember. Another important thing to remember is that everyone may not agree or be pleased with you moving forward and that’s ok. You may not even fully understand it at that point but when God has been leading you for a while, you come to appreciate all that He allows and whatever He doesn’t. Somethings you’ll see later on in life and smile, sometimes you’ll see it in the moment, and sometimes never.
The reason for this post today is to encourage anyone who may be struggling in a relationship as to what they should do and what direction they should go in as this new year approaches. I can remember being so confused and so afraid about making the wrong decisions based on staying and going. I was controlled by a fear of being alone; a fear that haunted me from the time I was 8 months old. Two things I needed to believe so that I could get to a place of peace and joy were:
1) With God in my life I AM NEVER ALONE.
2) The people He intends to stay & bless my life WILL (because they will be led by Him).
So ask Him into you life and heart 1st if you truly have not and then ask Him to show you in a way you will understand if you should stay or go…HE WILL SHOW YOU, so pay attention after you ask. He may use a stranger, a book, a T.V. show, a Facebook post (yes), and article, or you may hear a still small voice in your head that says something like “You know what you should do”. And even with all of this, He’ll even send another message just to confirm that you understood correctly! God is so awesome like that!
So 2014 is right around the corner and I know you want peace of mind in the choices that you make, so won’t you ask Him, won’t you seek Him, won’t you TRUST Him? For He is the only 1 that will never leave you or forsake you and I put my life on that!
Isaiah 41:17 “The poor and needy search for water, but there is none; their tongues are parched with thirst. But I the LORD will answer them; I, the God of Israel, will not forsake them.
Isaiah 42:16 I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.