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When I was eight months old my mother passed away. She suffered an epileptic seizure in her sleep. My father found her and you can say I lost them both that day. He never recovered and battled with drugs and alcohol for his entire life until he too passed away in his sleep in January 2008.
My grandmother took care of me the best she could, yet, I was a very depressed child. There were only a few things that could comfort me, food was one of them. It was easy to silently suffer then because although I was an emotional eater, I was not overweight. My grandmother gave me anything that I wanted because she could somehow see pain in my eyes and what I wanted most was food.
When I reached my teens, most of my peers would spend their allowances on clothing and shoes; I’d spend mine on junk food and beer and as a result was nicknamed greedy. By the time I turned 18 other habits began to form. I became addicted to illegal drugs (adding to my food and alcohol addictions).
When I turned 20, I had a reason to fight for my life and live it the best that I could. I had a newborn son who I wanted to raise in a healthy environment. I gave up the drugs and alcohol but I clung to my food addiction. Where there used to be drugs there was then food, where there used to be alcohol, there was then food. I had gained over 50 pounds while I was pregnant and that is where the overweight roller coaster ride began.
Up and down for from sizes 10 through 20 was how I lived in my twenties. I had only stayed a size 10 for short periods of time though because after each loss, another tragedy would occur and depression would lead me back to emotional eating. I’d always go back to my comfort source, food and more food.
My 30’s came and I decided to get drastic. I tried the Atkins diet, the bacon and grapefruit diet, the only eating fruits and vegetables diet, only eating when you felt hungry plan, the 10 day fast plan, and I even went as far as not eating any food at all for 40 days and 40 nights (I did this twice in two years). It was approved by my then family doctor and he just instructed me to drink 100% juice along with my water. I lost weight over time, but it was a horrible way to do it and it did not last.
When my depression worsened, my therapist suggested medication. Suicidal thoughts, insomnia, and emotional pain became the norm and I had to do something. Most of my issues came because I was unhappy with myself and not living to my full potential. Being overweight caused me to lack confidence and self-worth and I knew it was the very thing holding me back in life.
I stopped taking my medication, lost a little weight, but when the next curve ball hit, the pounds came rushing back. There were always other ways to cope, but food was my most desired mechanism.
Last spring my husband and I visited our current family doctor and he made it very clear to me that IF I was unable to lose weight on my own that his best advice was for me to start taking my antidepressants again. I had to do something; I did not want to go this route at all.
While my husband and I were on vacation last summer in August I decided to continue reading the book he bought me for Valentine’s Day; “I Got This” By Jennifer Hudson. She has been my inspiration ever since she did her first Weight Watchers commercial. Every word that she spoke I received it as if she was directly talking to me. The first time I began reading her story it tapped into my heart so deep where the emotional pains lied that I had to put it down. It was calling me higher, but I was afraid. By August 2012 I was ready!
For our entire trip I read that book and on the last day right before we left the hotel, I read the last sentence and closed the book in tears. She was right there with the through the entire book but now she had to go, yet she left me with the charge and responsibility to take care of myself and live my best life. On September 12, 2012 I joined Weight Watchers and I haven’t looked back since. I have currently lost 63 pounds and I am only a few weeks away from becoming a lifetime member. I reached my goal in less than 1 year!
Weight Watchers Points Plus program is all I talk about and many people have taken my advice to join the program. I read “I Got This” to get started and I re-read it to stay focused. I loaned it to several others for inspiration as well. There is some kind of motivational tool and inspiration out there for everyone, this just so happened to be mine and it came at a perfect time! I hope that I can now be a source of inspiration to others, that’s my new goal! I’m loving life and I love that I’m able to fully engage in what causes my heart to come alive…helping others to do the same. People who take this program seriously are making and seeing changes for one reason alone; “Because It Works!”