A couple of weeks ago, I had one of my dreams again. The kind when you are in a deep sleep and everything in the dream feels so real as if it’s actually happening. The kind where although you are inside the dream, there is another version of you inside the dream, but as thinker and not acting out the motions. These type of dreams more often than not leave me with some sort of message, revelation, insight, or something to think deeply about.
The thinker version of me often feels the need to wake myself up out of the dream when it’s reality becomes too painful, too exhausting, too frustrating, or unbearable. This is what I did a couple of weeks ago in here is my dream.
I’m not sure how I got there, but I was in a very crowded gym waiting for my chance to meet Dolvett. If you don’t know who he is, go to NBC’s The Biggest Loser and check out the black guy. He is a very handsome, young and strong physical trainer for the show. He is very nice and his smile warms up the room coming from off the television.
At any rate, when I got the chance to meet him, he thought I was strong and wanted to work me out. He didn’t do that with the other fans and I was being treated special. The day went on and so did our one on one session. Hours in the dream equaled out to day’s somehow. The next thing I knew is we were really close friends, laughing, joking, playing, and enjoying each other’s presence extremely. The feelings were so strong I literally felt them in my reality while I still slept.
As we both sat on the mat, I sat in between his legs and we were talking. I knew exactly how he felt about me because the other version of me (the thinker) had informed me of everything. He had fallen head over heels for me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. He was feeling overjoyed because he had finally found the one. As this information began to hit my soul, sadness came over me for him. I too shared those feelings, but I was MARRIED! The moment he knew that I was, I’d become very unattractive in his eyes because he was a loyal and respectful person.
I felt the need to withhold that important fact from home a little while longer because his affection and attraction towards me felt so good. It was new, it was deep, and it was sexy.
As we talked and played whatever work out things we were doing, we were in our own little bubble. There was still tons of people around, but we had muted them out.
As Dolvett looked insensibly into my eyes, I could feel his love grow from me more and more and I started weighting out my options. I started to consider a divorce. But how could I do it and still keep Dolvett‘s heart attached to me?
As I tried to figure out that dilemma (which seemed to go on for an eternity) Dolvett that leaned in for a kiss. A kiss I knew would change everything. Either I could have one of the riches, sweetest, sexiest man I had ever met in my life, or I could end up with no man at all. I still loved my husband and we were in a great place. I had no reason to leave or cheat on him. He was a good man. The decision was extremely hard. I was dealing with letting something go that I was so sure of and secure in for something I knew nothing about. I didn’t know if Dolvett would love me like I had been loved with my husband. I didn’t know if he would change on me, become new or different. I didn’t know if he even believed in marriage till death do us part. What if in his mind divorce was an option if things turned for the worse?
Although the passion felt powerful between us, I was hesitant on taking part in that kiss because it only offered uncertainty.
I couldn’t take it anymore, it was way too nerve-racking so I woke myself up. End of dream/story.
Often times when I experience these types of dreams for a good minute after I wake from it my brain still thinks it was true in a sense. So while this was happening, here is what my alive and well self said out loud; “Oh please, what was the dilemma? I’d never leave my husband!”
What I gathered from this dream is that in our imagination, fantasies, and in our wildest dreams we often become tempted with things that can be mysterious. And the unsure part of it all can give us a sense of thrill. Yet, once we wake and step back into reality, (if we are in a healthy place) we can think more clearly and more rationally. Our logic is supposed to kick in and allow us to see that our best option is the one that we can trust, believe in, and what is best for us overall.
It’s not wrong to be tempted, it’s wrong to make the worst choice you ever made in your life when you clearly know better.
With all that said, are you going to see the movie Temptation this weekend?