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sad dog faceBeing a woman who grew up with out ever hearing the word boundaries I really didn’t have an understanding of what they truly were or how they worked. When people had boundaries I misinterpreted them and felt hurt.

The lack of boundaries in my life would cause me to open myself up to many painful situations and reckless relationships. Something as simple as “YOU WILL NOT PUT YOUR HANDS ON ME” wasn’t even in my scope of “DON’T DO”.

There is something inside of us all that singles when something is being done to us that shouldn’t be, but when your boundaries are violated like mine were at such a young age you can become very confused and misguided. Usually a woman who gives her body away for nothing as if it has no value has been in a situation where things were taken from her without her will. She starts to devalue herself because of sexual abuse and other harmful things. And there are cases where abused women do the exact opposite and place so many boundaries up that no one can get it, not even true love. Neither is healthy.

Because people have different boundaries , weak boundaries, or no boundaries at all, they may challenge yours. If your boundaries are for the good and they are set up in an emotionally healthy manner, DO NOT allow anyone to cross them. There may come a time where you will lean a little to the left and to the right for certain people and in certain situations, but for the most part if you have taken the time to think through what works best for your life and your family, your boundaries should stay in place.

I have boundaries in my Coaching Practice and one of them is that I won’t coach men. It really does not matter what their deal is, I won’t do it. I have that boundary set up so that no one can be compromised period. He can’t fall for me, I can’t fall for him and my husband won’t worry, simple because there are no men allowed. It is possible to coach men and none of that ever take place, but I’ve decided that it’s not worth it.

A book that I read really helped me to understand and define my boundaries and I want to recommend it to you, even if you have great boundaries set in place. If you have never read this book it would add to your life so please give it a try!And as always, thanks for reading!

boundaries bookClick the book to go and check it out

 

4 comments on “Back Away From My Boundaries

  1. Pingback: What should I Do? « The Relationship Stuff

  2. datedocta on said:

    What’s wrong with growing up without boudaries? Nothing in my opinion. To disect what you’ve stated, it appears that you are obviously a very openminded individual who doesn’t mind sharing particular friends. What’s wrong with that? A person who doesn’t have a problem striking up a particluar conversation with a random stranger. What’s wrong with that? Having a minimum level of boundaries depicts one characteristics, opens new doors, invites in good/bad folks, and leave much needed room for networking. Can’t even beat that with a stick or let alone walk the horse to the crate to drink bc he/she will definately be thirsty :-)

    The fact that you feel as though you may not have had AS many boundaries, is a great thing for what life has in store for us. How would you be able to notice was guys are good for you, how would you met your hubby, how would you have met your current supervisor, how would you have met your homegirls, and how would you have been able to even understand whats out THHHHHHHHHEEeeeeeerrrre….in the real world?

    This is somewhat like a domino effect or even a typical stats problem…

    Lack of boudaries+life=a chance for grateness/great network/friends/comrodery

    Too many boundaries+life=Money spent on plastering cement walls

  3. mrs relationship stuff on said:

    Hey Doc, thanks for commenting. To answer some of your questions…”What’s wrong with growing up without boudaries?” What was wrong with not having healthy boundaries was when some grown man touched me in an inappropriate way Ididn’t feel that violation and need to cry out for help. I didn’t quite understand that it wasnt supposed to be done, adults were right, and also there were many other things that went on in my childhood that cause severe trama that could have been avoided if I would have been taught healthy boundaries. “How would you be able to notice was guys are good for you” actually if I had healthy boundaries I would not have had to go through tons of different bad guys to get to a good one. God never intended for me to suffer like I did by making 10 billion mistakes, but He has allowed it to work for good. That good is I try to help other ladies not seeing the things that they need to see, to open up their minds to reality.”how would you have met your current supervisor,” Not sure where this is coming from ecause I don’t have a supervisor, and when I did I only met them because I applied for a job. My post is simply to advise people to set up HEALTHY boundaries in their lives as an act of love towards themselves. Get it? I hope this helped you to understand where I was coming from a little better.

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