Certified Life Coach Lisa Gore has come up with this guide to help any woman seeking marriage. “I don’t know if it started with watching “Good Times” or “The Cosby Show” but from as far back as I can remember I’ve longed to be a wife and have a family of my own. You can say it was my dream.” Although she had other dreams, the dream of becoming someone’s wife was strong and went deep, so much so that it always came to the surface. She didn’t have a mother or father around that saw to it that her education and career would come first, so she began dream chasing. Many years and heart breaks later she became “Wife Material” and was asked for my hand in marriage by four different men. She only said yes to one, ten years later she is still saying yes to him. Lisa learned a lot along the way and in the mix, from others and experiences. This book was created to help anyone who wants to listen, who needs answers, or who desires to see where they are when it comes to being Wife Material.
Are you hurting today as a result of a failed or troubled relationship? Ignoring that pain won’t make it go away, neglecting yourself can’t cause it to fade, and self-medicating with unhealthy things isn’t going to work. If you’ve already prayed, if you’ve already cried, if you’ve already hoped and believed without anything to show for it, I encourage you to do one last thing before you throw in the towel…WAIT.
King James Version (KJV)
31 But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
New King James Version (NKJV)
5 For His anger is but for a moment, His favor is for life; Weeping may endure for a night, But joy comes in the morning.
I’m 17 years old and my parents divorced when I was 13. My
younger siblings (13, 11, 8) and I live with our dad. My mother and I have never gotten along; as a pre-teen, she used to tell me I was fatter than my sister and encouraged me to starve myself, nearing pushing me to anorexia. When I was 13, she got drunk and convinced me she was okay to drive before totaling my dad’s car with me in the passenger seat. Now, I keep a hidden camera in my room to prevent her from stealing my money, clothes, and make-up, among other things.
She openly tells me that I am her least favorite child and doesn’t even remember how old I am. I know this looks bad; I’m supposed to be eternally grateful for the sacrifices my mom has made. But what’s there to be grateful for? She left me to raise my 3 siblings while my dad works to support 4 kids on his own. In less than a year, I’m going to move 1,000 miles away for college, so it will be my choice to keep in contact with her or not. Part of me wants to cut my losses, but the other part loves her and remembers how nice she was when I was very little. In addition, my younger siblings treat me like their mother and will likely follow my example when it comes time for them to move out. What should I do?
Dear Confused Daughter,
I am so sorry to hear about whats been a source of pain in your life. It doesn’t sound fair at all and I hate that you have had to experience it. Although I may not know you personally, I really take it to heart when children are not treated with the love and care that they need and deserve. I know how it feels and that is why it affects me deeply. With that being said my advice is going to come from a place that can be trusted because I too had a parent that struggled with addictions.
Your question was what should you do as far as your relationship goes with your mother when you move away? My advice is to do what feels right in your heart of hearts while paying attention to your feelings and needs. Sometimes we desire things from a person that never plan to give us what we need so badly. An apology, love, appreciation, just to name a few. I don’t know many people who would not want a relationship with their mother, but the truth is, if she isn’t emotionally healed and your relationship with her will only be a source of pain for you, then I would suggest that you set boundaries around your heart to protect yourself. I would say you should write her a letter explaining your hurts and how you feel about your relationship and things that have happened and then let her know that until she seeks some serious help you can’t continue to be apart of her life. Sadly so many people choose not to set these type of boundaries because they think because someone is family that they have to deal with them no matter what, but that’s so far from being true. Our first priority as humans is to take care of ourselves, that’s the only way we can be of any use and help to anyone else.
I hope this has helped you and I truly wish you the best in life!
P.S. here is an article and a book that I think can be helpful to you.
There will be times in life when you will have to press FORWARD and follow your DREAMS despite the tears someone sheds, the words they holler, the discouragement they bark, or the fear they chant. Your dreams are given to you by God and when you pay Him attention and place Him in His rightful place in your life, your calling and purpose becomes clear. You dreams become your life’s missions and true peace you will NOT find until you chase them down and make them a reality, trust me I know.
Relationships are very important, that’s all I talk about right, but the relationships in your life must be in order and prioritized if you want to have a joyful abundant stay on planet earth. Just in case some may not be aware of the order, I’ll list it and briefly explain.
#1:God~ If your relationship with Him isn’t in first place then you can and will find yourself empty. Even a Christian can fall short of this (and they do) and find themselves very unhappy. Putting God in 1st place means you work on building that relationship more than any other relationship. Praying and talking to Him, reading about and studying Him in His Holy Book the Bible, listening to others talk about Him and teaching His ways, and so on.
#2: Yourself~ Did I just lose you? Listen, for some this goes without saying because when we are born we have a natural tendency to care a whole lot about ourselves. But if you were like me, taught that you were not enough, and encouraged to hate what and who you were, then you may struggle with putting yourself in second place. The reason you have to come in second place is because if you are not taking good care of yourself, you won’t be much help to anyone else. A mother who doesn’t feed herself wont be able to produce milk for her own child that she loves dearly. Get the point?
#3: Your spouse~ (If you don’t have one skip to #4) Why, well because God says so in the Bible. The 2 shall become 1 means you are them and they are you. If your want your love to last (and being together forever doesn’t necessarily mean that love is lasting) you’d have them in their rightful place.
#4: Your Children~ (If you don’t have any skip to #5) They are your responsibility, period. They have to come before church ministries and your job because they are your 1st ministry and job. By saying they come before those things I mean in your mind and in your heart they take president.
#5: Family and Friends~ sometimes our friends become our family and this is why this is all number 5. It’s not always easy for some to keep these people at #5 and of course if there is a crisis it may take over a bit, but it has to be OK with the top two.
#6: Acquaintances and Strangers~ They too have a place. Strangers can become #1’s!
From as far back as my mind will allow me to travel I have wanted to be a writer and entertainer. I’ve always found that they both come very natural to me. There are many other things that complete me as well like arts and designing things, but if I couldn’t write, speak, and act, I’d probably lose my mind. Well I have been in that place actually and it’s not peaceful at all. There was a time in my life when all I could focus on was survival for my son and I. But even then I had to be on the choir. I understand that when life is happening it can become very difficult (to some it may seem impossible) to focus on dreams, especially if they are not bringing in any income. But even if most of your time and energy has to be devoted to making ends meet so that you can survive, you mustn’t allow your dreams to die. It could just look like you writing them down in detail in a book then reading over them each week. Maybe writing a list of things to do underneath the goal or dream. You can also pick up a book by someone to get inspiration or study a “How To” book. Even though you may not be able to work diligently on the dream you can still build up your knowledge and when the time comes for you to go all out, you’ll be that much wiser.
This may seem like it has more to do with dreams than relationships but it’s really connected. See, if your relationship with God and yourself are important to you then you will do the things that cause the relationship to thrive. Being who your called to be makes God smile and your heart happy! Try it and see!
Thanks for reading and please don’t forget to subscribe if you haven’t already.
Being a woman who grew up with out ever hearing the word boundaries I really didn’t have an understanding of what they truly were or how they worked. When people had boundaries I misinterpreted them and felt hurt.
The lack of boundaries in my life would cause me to open myself up to many painful situations and reckless relationships. Something as simple as “YOU WILL NOT PUT YOUR HANDS ON ME” wasn’t even in my scope of “DON’T DO”.
There is something inside of us all that singles when something is being done to us that shouldn’t be, but when your boundaries are violated like mine were at such a young age you can become very confused and misguided. Usually a woman who gives her body away for nothing as if it has no value has been in a situation where things were taken from her without her will. She starts to devalue herself because of sexual abuse and other harmful things. And there are cases where abused women do the exact opposite and place so many boundaries up that no one can get it, not even true love. Neither is healthy.
Because people have different boundaries , weak boundaries, or no boundaries at all, they may challenge yours. If your boundaries are for the good and they are set up in an emotionally healthy manner, DO NOT allow anyone to cross them. There may come a time where you will lean a little to the left and to the right for certain people and in certain situations, but for the most part if you have taken the time to think through what works best for your life and your family, your boundaries should stay in place.
I have boundaries in my Coaching Practice and one of them is that I won’t coach men. It really does not matter what their deal is, I won’t do it. I have that boundary set up so that no one can be compromised period. He can’t fall for me, I can’t fall for him and my husband won’t worry, simple because there are no men allowed. It is possible to coach men and none of that ever take place, but I’ve decided that it’s not worth it.
A book that I read really helped me to understand and define my boundaries and I want to recommend it to you, even if you have great boundaries set in place. If you have never read this book it would add to your life so please give it a try!And as always, thanks for reading!
There are times in our lives when there is so much going on around us that we can’t work, focus, or even think! The “so much” that is going on usually has to do with relationships. Relationships with people, or relationships with things that we have made our idols. The love-sick relationship that some people have with money is one that can send their soul so far away from their bodies that they feel dead! You can love money and it won’t love you back just like you can love people and they won’t love you back. Depending on who you are one may hurt more than the other.
I’m the type of person that hurts more when my relationships are off. Money can’t do much for me, only because God is the giver of all things. What He desires for me to have I get. His love, promises and commitment to our relationship has always caused me to refocus on my life’s purpose no matter whats going on in or around me. And might I add that it ain’t at all easy, but it’s possible!
Some people are so intrenched in their earthly relationships that God’s not even in the equations on their minds. This will always lead to an empty and imbalanced life.
So as I share with you in the midst of experiencing one of the worst pains I’ve ever felt due to a very close relationship that I’m in with a loved one, I’m urging you to put God 1st, keep God first, place God first, and know that God must always be 1st.
Thank you for reading
When I was a young girl I thought that all a guy wanted was a pretty girl by his side. My beauty seemed to win the attention of many and I thought all I had to do was get someone to fall in love with me and then I’d have a forever love. That was my plan starting at age 13.
I believe that is when I gave up on trying to get my fathers forever love. My Grandmother expressed on many occasions how he didn’t really love me and I was beginning to believe her. So out I went on a search at 13 years old to find a love that would forever be mines. And I wasn’t giving up my cookies until I found it, that was the plan.
I’m sure someone may have told me that I was on a useless mission. The boys my age were not concerned 1 bit about finding a lifetime girlfriend and wife, but I was determined. Their top priority was how many girls could they get to have sex with them. Many possibilities came my way but none stayed. I held on to my cookies so tight that no sooner than they came they were leaving. On to the girls who were giving it up. And even though I was promised love if I’d give it up, I held on…for a while.
After several years with no successful love story, I began to think my beauty wasn’t enough. I added my cookies to the deal. I’d soon discover that my cookies and beauty weren’t enough. And at the end of the day I was left feeling more empty when all that didn’t work and they left me (just like my dad).
What saddens my heart is that this is still the behavior of grown women today. You are out there trying to be enough for a man to want you. But I’m here to tell you that you are enough. If you are striving to be the best woman that you can be, mind, spirit, body, and soul, then you are enough! Don’t ever second guess that just because the men that come and go are missing out on that. They have the problem, it’s not always YOU.
I remember always thinking
“If I’m pretty enough”
“If I’m good enough”
“If I love enough”
“If I give enough” then he will stay. But the staying power had to be in his spirit, not mine. He had to be the kind of emotionaly ready person before he met me. A guy says out of his mouth “If that girl is this, that, and the third, she can change me and make me a one woman man.” But that is not true for the most part, yet woman give up everything they have trying to do this. It’s not right!
While we were on vacation this summer my husband and I was taking in some dinner at a jazz restaurant at the resort we were staying in. I wanted to head back up to our room and relax (and prepare for a night-cap lol) so I said “You stay here honey, your having fun, just come up when ever.” He told me a couple of days ago that as soon as I left a few women were hitting on him and trying to get with him. No sooner than I left his side they were trying to snag my man! He declined (more than once) and finished watching the show. The man has to desire faithfulness for hisself, it doesn’t have that much to do with the type of love powers you have or don’t have. Sometimes they think they can get away with it, sometimes they don’t think what they are risking is all that great, and sometimes they blame it on the woman! But here is what I know, I AM ENOUGH! I always was and I always will be, and I’m so glad that I have a man who finally knows it.
Most women are dying to become wives without ever even reading a book about the role. They want the title but are not willing to do any research or sacrifice any of their “stuff”. I was watching a movie the other day and this woman put her job so high up on the scale of her life that her husband almost became a single parent. Women fight for their identity to the point they forget their joined with someone and they traded in the “I” for an “US”. I’m in no way shape or form saying that she should only be defined as a wife and mother, but when you get married your relationship should always be your top priority after God. If not it will crumble and only God knows if it will survive the break down.
Single ladies you could very well still be single due to issues and hang-ups that you are not noticing, be open for critiquing by a close friend or relative. I know there seems to be a shortage of men because when two gay guys get together that knocks out two options at once unlike when a woman snags one. But there are enough men still out there for you to be found.
Being a wife isn’t an easy job every single day. Some days it’s a walk in the garden and others it feels like a walk through hell. If you want your marriage to work you need to know how to walk through both places successfully. That come from learning, researching, growing, keeping an open mind, and preparing your self. Not from just thinking you’ll have it all together because you are such an awesome person. So many people divorce because they don’t have the strength to weather storms that could have been survived. That makes my heart sad.
So, what I’m saying in a nut shell is women PREPARE and PERFORM. If you are not a wife yet, prepare your mind and heart before you become one. And if you are already a wife, you need to perform as one and do what ever it takes to do it well. Because at the end of the day, we are accountable for our lives and our works.
So what do you think? Are you ready?