“Please advise me, in Oct 09 I found out my husband had an affair with a co-worker it has been the most difficult years of our twenty three years together since the affair.
We have both done things wrong trying to recover from this, I hold a lot of anger, pain and resentment which I am trying to work through.
I believe so much in the love bank theory I believe it works within every relationship and is so important within marriage.
I finally see my love bank for my husband is running nearly empty.
I have tried to explain the love bank theory to my husband to no avail with such a huge withdrawal due to the affair every tiny upset is so very much bigger.
I understand I can not make my husband change but I feel without him understanding the love bank I will be drained.”
In the Bible God states that He hates divorce and that we are not to have one, but if a mate cheats and has sex with someone else we are permitted by God to divorce and leave that person. God understands because He created us that an affair is not something that we can just forgive and move on from easily. Some people try and it works out for them and some it doesn’t. Me personally, I know I wouldn’t be the one to stay because I’d always take it out on my husband. I’d have to forgive him, but that doesn’t mean we’d have to remain married. I think that you tried. I think that you really wanted things to work out and I do commend you for that. But the reality is you can’t seem to move past it. And if he is unwilling to do that necessary work to hold you guys together and build the walls up to protect you both and see to it that an affair doesn’t happen again, I’d say see a counselor for yourself and consider moving on. You can’t make someone love you enough or work hard enough; they really have to want it for themselves.
If your desire is to live a joy filled life and no matter how hard you try this affair has made it next to impossible to have that in your marriage, then my advice is to move on. It won’t be easy, but your other option is to wait and hope that he changes, which may never happen. You have to decide on your own but that is what I would do for myself, life is short!
Thank you so much for reaching out and allowing me to minister to you in your time of need. If you have any more questions or concerns, feel free to contact me again.
And may God bless you greatly just by being in your life!