Love can go from mushy mushy, sweet and fuzzy to real business like when you are deep into your marital years…if you let it.
In the beginning it’s all about the long talks on the phone, asking cute questions, finding out wonderful things about the other that makes you love even harder. And also finding out the not so wonderful things that you think are so cute because you are falling in love.
In the beginning the attraction is so deep, strong and heavy. It feels so right! It’s a feeling that can’t be compared to many things and you can become very addicted to that feeling, I know I did. Then when you fall into normal everyday life you demand your partner bring that feeling back to you. But real life and love has a different feeling, and it is so much better than the beginning! That is why I’m so pressed to have this second wedding with my husband on our 10th anniversary this year. Everything means much more to me than it did then.
I’m not saying that real life has to be boring or dull, but with each stage of life and relationships change is a promise. I know it can be hard to maintain the romance when “you are so beautiful” turns into “what are you cooking tonight?” And “you are the best thing that ever happened to me” turns into “how much money did you spend!” And “you look so nice today” turns into “are you going to wear that?” And
“where would you like to go out to dinner?” turns into “it’s your turn to put the kids to bed!”
In the beginning it was probably cute to clean up the dirty dishes that they left behind and pick up his socks. When I was single I dreamed of serving the man who I would love forever! Oh I’ll cook for him, massage his back, wash his clothes, and be his every desire. Now when I see a sock, shoe, cup, or can, I’m praying for peace, self-control, and a tongue guard. Sometimes I can serve without frustration at all, but when it was “The Beginning” those fuzzy love feelings covered a lot. Now that we are in the heavy realness of it all, it’s just different, but better-please understand that.
So here is what I’m saying in a nut shell, there has to be a balance. You can’t expect or constantly chase that old loving feeling from before and you can’t treat your spouse like a business partner or roommate alone. There is a middle safe place in this loving relationship called marriage and I’ll share some examples tomorrow on how you can maintain that balance, stay tuned!