Sometimes people are under the impression that because someone is a family member, they are obligated to help them out when they run into a jam. I’ll be the first person to help out someone who needs it, but I refuse to enable anyone. The word enable gets a bad rap and isn’t used as often as Help. But the truth is, sometimes the best help you can offer your family and friends is to back away and or say NO. Just because someone isn’t a crack head, alcoholic, or dead beat of some kind, that doesn’t mean that your consistent help on an always basis isn’t still enabling. Like the young adult who always needs to hold something so that they can get to work, or the single momma that has hair and nails did, but she ask for money all the time for the baby. Now I hear what you are thinking, why should the baby have to suffer? They should not have to suffer, but how will the momma learn that her priorities have to change-up a bit because she is responsible for another human being if you continue to RESCUE her? On the strength of FAMILY I’ve been evicted, lost my job, car, money, food stamps, and on and on the list goes. All because I thought I was SUPPOSED to help out, even if it hurt.
When you say no, even if you have it, or are available, this only let’s the individual know that they are responsible for them selves. It does not mean that you could care less (as they will sometimes try to convince you). I have opened up my home to many people and have tried my best to help them as much as possible, and you know what I’ve found? Most people don’t want your help or your advice, because as soon as you inform them of ways to fix their issue(s) so that they don’t continue to run into the same problems, it goes into one ear and out the other!
People will call you for years about the same boyfriend problems and your answers are the same as they always have been! Hey, my advice door has to be open to those that will take and use what I’m giving them at some point. Because if they don’t that means I’ve wasted countless hours and bunches of breaths for nothing. My time is valuable, so if the same person keeps crying about the same stuff, I refer them to a book and keep it moving. Really.
Ok, I’m done. I try to keep it simple because I can easily write a book about this stuff! I hope you have gotten something you can use today.